Loneliness is a Fork in the Road
I came upstairs and saw the shadow of her dark hair reflecting through the morning light on the porch. She brought her thermos of hot tea and was patiently waiting for me to wake up and join her. I tied my Costco robe around my waist wrapped my hair in a bun on the top of my head and cracked open the screen door.
“Lonely out here all by yourself?” I said as my eyes squinted adjusting to the morning light.
“Quite the opposite actually,” she said. “The longer I live the more I realize loneliness tends to be the fork in the road that sets apart those that choose the Narrow way and those that do not.”
I sipped my coffee and looked at her because only Sarah, the mother of Isaac, could get my attention like this at 5 in the morning.
“The narrow way is the suffering way…” she said with tears in her eyes. “Because it doesn’t feel good, you know? To deny yourself and what you want for your own life and pick up your cross. I guess what I am trying to say is "Talk is cheap, at the end of the day will you follow your dreams or his commands?”
I tilted my head analyzing my life and let the weight of the moments when I’ve chosen my desires before Him and in the next breath felt the wave of His all-consuming grace flood my mind… “Far be it from me to allow His grace to become my doormat.” I thought to myself.
I'm learning an encounter won’t sustain the Narrow way, the co-suffering will. It’s the suffering that is the umbilical cord to his Closeness. And the longer I walk this narrow path the less crowded it seems to become. But maybe the loneliness that comes with the Narrow way is just a gap of space reserved for His loyalty to sweep us off our feet.
I looked at Sarah and said “But how do I know if I’m still on the Narrow Path?”
She paused and said, “One pearl of great price at a time my love.” Because life is a series of offering after offering all strung together and at the end of your days you’ll be able to laugh like I did and see nations birthed from what you were willing to release.”