Tears are Prayers Waiting to be Liberated

I saw Sarah, the mother of Issac there rocking back and forth on the chair as I was finishing up the dishes from dinner. 

“Hey you,” I said as I opened the screen door. “How long have you been here? I didn’t hear the gate open.” 

“Long enough to draw an appetite. Mind making me a plate?” 

Handing her what was left over from the frozen Costco lasagne I said “I feel stuck. Why does not getting what you pray for sting so bad?”

“Because he’s Jesus, not a genie… A vindicated king, not a vending machine.

And Because He’s more loyal to the full story than we give Him credit for…”

The tears slipped off my cheeks the way summer slips off the August nights. 

“You know that’s exactly what Jesus did when He felt stuck…” Sarah said as she handed me her worn handkerchief to wipe away my tears. 

I looked at her and said, “maybe tears are prayers waiting to be liberated?” 

She paused then said “Or maybe they’re Heaven’s reminders that He didn’t die to give a perfect life, but an everlasting one…” 

Maybe that’s the heart's attempt to have faith? Feeling “stuck”… Stuck between what should be and what is. So maybe we shouldn’t feel guilty for feeling stuck? Because it’s our heart attempting to reach out for the hem of His robe… 

I’m learning that sometimes when we pray for healing and get handed wheelchairs it doesn’t mean He’s not intricately committed to a redemptive story, just means He’s writing the story differently than I’d hoped for… Yes, wouldn’t that be nice; to avoid the sting of pain in this one shot at life we are given? But to have a life void of unbearable pain would be a life void of an appetite for a King… Not that we lean into Him for what He can do for us, but when the reality hits that His touch is the only touch that saves, we realize trusting Him really is our only option. And suddenly our only option somehow becomes comforting. 

Sarah looked at me and whispered “John 13:7” then pressed the hot cup of tea to her lips. I smiled as I watched a tear dance down her cheek knowing that pioneered faith requires a long & sometimes devastating journey.