Getting to Know His Heart

During National Infertility Week

I imagined having Sarah, the mother of Isaac over for tea again.

This time we greeted as if were lifelong friends because having the common denominator of infertility and waiting just does that to people... I looked at her and said, “Here you were, minding your own business, fully content, never expecting to fight the battle of birthing a child, then bam, an angel appeared, and all of a sudden it was highlighted what you didn’t have... a baby.” I shook my head, feeling like she would be the only one who would understand being caught off guard with a dream only to find herself in the trap of waiting. She laughed, like she always does, and said “A trap?! What you see as a trap, He sees as the tabernacle, preciously inviting you to know His heart better. We give birth more in the waiting anyway...” She refilled my cup of tea and reminded me how tea is much more enjoyable when we allow it to steep appropriately... ⁣

Infertility; Something that completely blindsided me and something I didn’t get diagnosed with until after we started our adoption process. I have so many thoughts scrambling through my head about #nationalinfertilityweek but I’ll leave it at this- What I expected to break me has indeed broken me. Not in the vein of hopelessness but in the sense that I’ve never had to bow lower and press in deeper with Jesus than through this journey. It’s broken me of entitlement, surface-level faith, and being ungrateful. It truly has been the most beautiful invitation to be a broken vessel, day in and day out, falling before Jesus knowing that He alone is enough. And for that, I wouldn’t trade anything in the entire world.